SEX. DOES IT MATTER

Just so you know this post has nothing to do with sex(well not the act itself but the product anyway) read on to find out... So yesterday as I was going home I happened to overhear a certain conversation between three gentlemen. From the conversation I gathered that the wife to one of them had just delivered and the others were enquiring to find out the sex of the baby. The father seemed a bit uncomfortable to disclose because he was hesitant to reply and at some point actually claimed he did not know. Well on further prodding and chiding from his friends he managed to mumble its a girl. The men went on to say that nowadays women don't give birth to boys and they went ahead to give an example of another friend who has 4 daughters now and is still searching for a boy.

This discussion made me wonder why is the sex of a child such a big deal? Isn't it bad enough that some people can barely get children for some to start discriminating? I think no matter your taste or preference a child is a gift from God and we should appreciate what we have. Its not like going to the supermarket where everything is laid bare for you to just pick what you want or like. Its not a matter of picking KCC over TUZO or butter over margarine. Its going with what you get and making the most of it. I felt sad for this man because his very friends who were supposed to celebrate with him the good news were busy chiding him. Was he not pleased to have a baby girl or he was afraid of what his friends will think of him.

Recently, reading the paper, I found an article about a woman had written to the help column asking for advice on how to deal with her husband who is now victimizing her for not giving him sons. He has threatened to marry another woman if she does not give him a son ASAP. Well guess what the woman is 46. Seriously all her daughters are grown up the last one being well in her teenage who wants to be handling diapers a decade later? Plus this woman has been to all reproductive health clinics but they always advice her to come with the hubby which due to his inflated ego refuses to go. This man should be smacked in his head and made to wake up and realize that really he IS the problem (its not a problem really he should just get a life and quit harassing the old lady). From my little biology (thanks Mr. Kanyiri) the woman has the xx chromosome while the man has the xy chromosome so its up to him for the y chromosome to meet the x he should quit blaming his wife. Its a sad scenario that in the 21st century men still think in the barbaric savage ways they did.

This morning was very upbeat ready to workout then boom screams from the neighbour. Am sure you know what that meant for me no going out till I felt it was safe. So there were no 300 jumps but some back push ups (woi this things are crazy) and some exercises here and there. I feel ok though I would have felt terrible had I not done anything. All in all I need to watch my eating again especially before bedtime I have backslid. I had sandwich and soup problem was it was white bread. Lets see what today brings along. Good day.

THE LITTLE THINGS

Most of the time we are so busy looking at the big picture we forget to look at the little things that makes it worthwhile. My post today is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend this morning I met on the bus on my way to work. I was with this girl from campus totally misunderstood but what I love about her is the zeal she got about life. Here we are busy going on with our lives trying to "make it" we forget how to appreciate the little things or to even identify them.

I like how India.Arie put it in her song the little things. We are busy seeking the silk and satin sheets we forget the very basic and common cotton sheets. We seek the most expensive of things that we forget the pleasure and comfort that the cheap basic ones can give us. We seek for comfort in being rich and famous but know not the comfort that peace from within brings forth. It is so much better than any riches that this world can ever provide.

It is the smile from that little girl next door or the kind words like 'thank you' or genuine concern from your neighbour or a friend that makes everything worthwhile and gives you a shot of energy to go for it. We take things for granted like we really deserve them like were it not for us it would not exist we forget that they make everything worthwhile no matter how little they are. In search of completing the big picture lets not forget the little things that make life worth living the little things that drive you to the big picture the little things that matter most and is what will always matter. And guess what, the little things are always with us everyday we just choose not to see them.

This lady is deep just listen to this song and know why I love her music.

So today I got to do my routine and am happy that I am still sticking to it. I rewarded myself yesterday with a nice plate of bhajia and it was definitely worth it. Now enough of the rewards let me get down to serious business. Beautiful day good people.

TIME IS MONEY

There are always two sides of a coin. My weekend was quite uneventful I spend the better part of it nursing myself to health. I happened to suffer from some bacterial infection and didn't sleep for the better part of Friday night. I literary counted down hours to the morning so that I could rush to the nearest hospital. I am grateful that I got to go to hospital because I finally got to step on the scales something that I have been postponing. I am glad to say I can see the changes I hoped for. I lost 4 kgs in 4 weeks. Now that there really is something. I am  glad am already seeing the changes. So my dear friends fear not when you start to see blasts from the past that is clothes I have not worn in a while.

So am also looking for a pad. I want a place where I can stay for a while I don't want the issue of moving after every short time. So far I have loved what I have seen but boy I need to raid the bank first. Some places are outrageous in what they are asking for and it would really be crazy to fork out all that amount. This is where the time is money issue comes in. Just for those who are extravagant I wish we could be on the lookout more. Say you pay 30k rent every month how much in a year is that? Just the thought of it makes my heart sink to my stomach. Thats a whooping 360k. I started thinking and thought to myself you know what one day I have to own real estate I need to be raking in lots of cash.

Another good example is the bus I board in the morning. I usually pay 30 shillings but an hour later its up to 50 shillings.  60 minutes later and everything has changed the rate has gone up and I have never seen anybody squirm in their seats as that reach for their pockets to pay that fare. This I guess is because they have never enjoyed the 30 shillings fare. Well after all that has been said wiser is what I want to be especially in spending. I am looking forward to a great festive season of greater choices and soon I will be an year older and definitely WISER.

So I keep on keeping on with my decisions and choices I can't help and look back and say thus far you have brought me, THANK YOU LORD. 

BEING ME...

I sometimes get the chance to sneak a peek at the zodiac signs just for the fun of it. I have tried to dismiss them but every so often they get something about me so right it does scare me. Sometimes I like to think it really has nothing to do with my star may be it is sheer coincidence. I will share what I found out and I will say if I concur with it. If you know me please feel free to agree or disagree. Brace yourself because somethings here are shockingly true.

First according to my DOB I am a Sagittarius and I posses the following positive traits:

Optimistic and freedom loving

Jovial and good-humoured

Honest and straightforward

Intellectual and philosophical

I also posses negative qualities which I should say hey am only human I got to have two sides like a coin. So my negative traits include:

Blindly optimistic and careless

Irresponsible and superficial

Tactless and restless

So it goes ahead to say people like me like to travel, getting to the heart of the matter,freedom,laws and meanings, and the general feel of things. On the other hand we dislike off the wall theories, being tied down domestically, being constrained, cooling your heels, bothered with details. 

Now I kinda have some bone to chew with whoever did their research especially that part where they say am not bothered with details. Haiya where have they been? I am so into detail like nobody's business eish. Ok I have no idea what they mean by off the wall theories but I guess thats why its in the details yap not interested. Could this be what they mean by not bothered with details? If it is then am guilty as charged.

The bull's eye was hit when traveling and optimism was mentioned that is so spot on. I am actually itching to travel but what I hate is going to the 'usual' destination where everybody is going. They forgot to say we like being different.

Another bulls eye is the colour. They just explained my fixation with the colour PURPLE. I will finally stop trying to get to the bottom of it. They said many more things others are so true while others just left me with more questions than answers. 

One thing to note though is I was described as full of enterprise, energy, versatile, adventurous, ambitious,  honest, loyal, trustworthy, generous, sincere and with justice for passion. Guess what we are also equipped with foresight and good judgement yes we make good researchers can some say PI(private investigator). I guess my boyfriend(hopefully future hubby)  is lucky because yes we are straightforward in love and yes we are faithful partners and equally indulgent parents(my future children you are so lucky mama is going to be there for you ALWAYS). My boss should also know that I am a good employee so loyal to my career sadly at the expense of my family why? Because am wired like that, sad but true but now that I know am going to be on the lookout now.

My friends (true friends) need not to worry why? I am reliable and seldom betray trust given to me awww *blushing* . However you have to face my wrath occasionally I get implusively angry and sometimes I speak very swordlike words they do pierce where it hurts. I apologize if you have been there but I got to say it if I can't put it in anymore. Yes and we are so so impatient. I used to think am not but that right there explains a lot. 

And finally in our private lives I have been described can be boastful, vulgar and extravagant. I won't refute all all but being boastful and vulgar earn the least points here but on extravagance I have to confess I am totally guilty. 

If you want to read more please feel free http://www.astrology-online.com/sagittar.htm 

Now on to other important issues week 4 is now down. Its a whole month of a fruitful workout regime. I am liking what I see and I know how to plan now for my future workouts. I will also need to plan for my meals and am sure after 2 months there will be better results. Like my mantra no pain no gain I will keep on keeping on. Great weekend good people.

TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE

Yes I am still on the case of human beings. I believe in the ripple effect thing most people like to call it the law of attraction. I believe that how you treat people or perceive people that is exactly the ripple effects that you will eventually feel. The funny thing is people like to treat others indifferently and expect to be given special treatment by the people they did not even bother to look twice in their direction. I can attest that sometime I fall in this trap but more often than not I have learnt to stand up and walk in a better direction.

If you treat people badly I don't think you should expect any better treatment from them or from anyone for that matter. Its like going to the garden and planting weeds then expecting to harvest strawberries and other succulent fruits. Who are you? An illusionist? No it doesn't work that way. You reap what you sow that is just how things work out no shortcuts. So in my day to day interactions one thing I know is am not perfect but I do try my level best to treat people well. Sometimes people push you no matter how hard you try by treating you badly for those I think its worth a try I give a shot but sometimes there is only so much you can take. The only problem might be to know when too much is too much. To just roll up your carpet and walk the other way.

Well wk 4 day 4 is here and yap so far so good. I like what I feel am yet to go to the scale and see if there is any change but with how I feel I got to say I am proud of me. Beautiful day ahead.

THE ACT OF FRONTING

We all do some fronting once in awhile but when it becomes a part of you that right there is a big problem. When fronting starts becoming a part of you and people can't really differentiate you from it then you have lost it. When front so much it becomes so you and you end up losing your true self. You can't get to do anything because you are out to please someone or to prove something. I have fronted sometimes but most of the time it is in order to get something or out of something.

The problem with fronting is eventually it will all come out. I believe nothing under the sun will stay secret at least not for long. We have people fronting very many things like friendships, relationships, their identities, their motives, intentions as in the list really is endless. I don't know which one is better to front but trust me all of them come with consequences chances are you will not like it not even one bit. Human beings are both clever and complicated pleasing them or meeting their expectations is quite something so the best thing is to just be yourself live your life to the max as per how you want to not how you wan people to take you or what they expect.

Isn't it worse to lose a friendship or a relationship because of being fake or realizing it was all an act rather than save yourself a lot of drama by just being you. This way you also keep clutter out of your life. To me clutter is any unnecessary people who like you for all the wrong reasons or want to be with you for the wrong reasons. Be real, be yourself and the true people will stick by you and that way you get the true value of life.

Moving on swiftly, today is week 4 day 3 and so far I am proud of what I have achieved. I am slumping on the eating part made some wrong choices here and there but I will get back on track. I feel healthier and more fit than before. Yes I will reach there some day that is how optimistic I am. 

TRYING

Sometimes you want something so bad but you can't bring yourself to ask for it. Be it from God, from your better half, your relatives and just from the world in general. You just feel like if you ask for it either you will be denied or you will be scorned. I know so many people feel like they don't deserve it but why are you so sure that if you ask it may not be answered.

I must confess that sometimes I do fall into that category of people who think that they don't deserve anything especially that which you think and feel you desire. Well I am trying to come out it and yes it does matter to try and ask. It is not a guarantee that you will get it but what is the worst that could ever happen really? So of late I have been trying to come up with a list of things that I deeply desire and I think I deserve and I believe if I put it in writing then I shall challenge myself to go for it. To try harder and ask for it.

Today is week 4 day 2 I deserve good health and the right attitude and so I will keep asking for that from the one above. I have started developing a sleeping pattern and so far I like it. I have a TV curfew that I abide to and no washroom visits at night. So far so good I like the results already. Have a good day people.

GOOD TIMES

I dedicate this post to good times because my weekend does count as a good time. Time with family and friends definitely ranks as good times.  I met my family spend time with them and just had a good time. Family are people you you can be yourself with and they never judge you. This are people who take you as you are nothing more nothing less. They mean the world to us as well as we mean the world to them they won't change or exchange you for anything in this world. Sometimes life becomes so busy you no longer have time in your hands for anything even for yourself but one thing is for sure one should always spare time for family because even when life tends to come to a standstill at some point they are the only ones there for you.

The other people we can share good times with are our dear friends. I attended a party over the weekend and I must say it was an opener. I am glad I went to it because yes I have widened my social network. What I admired about the party is the great company. The friendship bond that was evident was quite something. This people have been friends for what, 20 years! Now that is what I call friendship right there. This are people who went to school together, life happened and STILL they manage to be friends. I always ask myself a question so often are there such friendships in existence anymore? Do people still forge such friendships and maintain them? Its good to see such relationships nurtured and maintained and I must agree it is a lot of hard work. Everyone has to be involved its not a way street thing two people who become friends must work on their relationship for it to work. I have so far met such people who who have such friendships but are in their 40s so my question is can people in their 20s too have such? Well that is definitely food for thought!

So I have officially started week 4. I am happy stronger and have even more zeal and energy I think I should go to parties often because I met phenomenal people there. Challenged? Yes I was but for a good cause and yes I am taking it up. Have a great week ahead.

PECULIARITY

This is what has been playing in mind recently how we do things in a peculiar manner. I think one day in the thesaurus Kenyans will be described as being synonymous to peculiarity. As I was going home I made an effort to stand at the designated bus stop but guess what no bus or matatu stopped there to pick me up they stopped a short distance ahead. That is what the passengers have accustomed them to. I keep wondering for how long will we be so lawless and allow it to continue happening. The irony is the same passengers who have made this a habit once they acquire cars will be the ones complaining about it. Come to the very simple traffic lights, due to our lawlessness they have to be manned by cops who I think could be elsewhere doing something better.

Another thing is the love for free things. Sometimes not so free but they do come with lot's of consequences. When the deal is too good, its only wise to think twice. Many people have been conned off their livelihoods because of get rich schemes that play around with their psychology. Remember the pyramid scheme called DECI? Yes I do very clearly. I remember a friend telling me how her mother lost 500k to this scheme because she had figured out that in 6 months the money would have doubled. What a pity. Thats not all there are also other gambling games on TV that milk the common mwananchi with the falsehood of making one rich with just a simple sms. How gullible can one be? I blame it on desperation and definitely greed.

One other thing is the mob psychology. To some extent I tend to think Kenyans do things because we lack creativity or are just too lazy to think outside the box. It is a monkey see monkey do business. I like to watch the two wedding shows that go on on Sundays and guess what most (if not all) of the weddings are predictable right from the colour schemes to the decor. No one is willing to experiment or to be different. I don't know if I should blame the planner or the event host but a little of creativity will work wonders copy pasting really does not leave much to be looked forward to.

As the weekend is seductively beaconing me I am glad I got through week 3 though with some hiccups here and there but all the same I thank God. DO have a lovely weekend. 

TEMPTATIONS

I am sure all of you will agree with me that when you set your mind to do something all kinds of things spring out from left right and center. When in a serious relationship all of a sudden you are the hottest thing that ever happened and your phone is ringing off the hook with people ready to take you out on dates and endless plots. Its when you decide to eat healthy and watch your portions that parties are thrown here and there with scrumptious food on the menu that you can not afford to watch other people lick their fingers. It is when you are on a shoestring budget that you keep going on impulse shopping sprees: that gorgeous pair of shoe you always wanted keeps on popping everywhere you turn and when you are loaded the shoes seem to disappear.

Well temptations will always be there but you deal with them is what matters. This morning I fell into temptation. I slept late because I was tempted to watch a certain series till late at night. This resulted to a ripple effect, come morning I was unable to wake up at the normal time and I was so so tempted to skip my exercise routine. Thank God for little mercies though coz were it not for someone dear to me I would just forgotten all about it. So i got to do some workout and I was really pleased with myself. I still got to work in good time and I really am grateful. I am glad that I did not fall into this temptation and in future I pray for a very strong will not to fall.

Good day

THE ENEMY WITHIN

This morning waking up was a very big problem. Funny thing is not that I didn't sleep late but come to think of it my sleep was interrupted severally. First, phone call from mama am sure she thought I was awake I don't usually sleep that early. Second I think two trips to the washroom in one night well I usually do one but last night they were two wow I should definitely slow down on fluids after 7 p.m. I am trying to work on my sleep pattern adjust it to 7-8 hours of sleep. I know it is very possible especially if I want to see results of what am doing.

So my workout today was terrible, to say but the least it was a total slump. I did some few exercises for some parts here and there but I didn't skip the rope. The rope thing gets me jump started but today I was sluggish hence I chose to skip it. I know it was a bad idea I would look for an excuse but I am past that so no excuses not today. I had not decided on what to wear in the morning so I just picked my black trousers and voila they are starting to fit better. When I bought them they were big then they became tight but now they are getting a bit loose and I am so happy. Do I really have an excuse of not waking up in the morning to do what I do? Is there an excuse for me not to watch my portions? No there is none so I will keep at it because we are our own enemies. Its just a matter of making choices and some decisions but excuses are the reason we give up on so much and have no time for anything.

As I watched news yesterday, I stumbled upon very disturbing news. A man had raped his 7 months old daughter and fled. Yes 7 MONTHS that is no typo. I am wondering silently to myself what was going on through that mans mind when he was committing this beastly act? Did he stop to think this my daughter? If he was in doubt didn't he stop to think at least about her age. 7 MONTHS seriously? This is when you feel like taking the law into your own hands. Grab yourself a pliers and then go ahead and castrate the idiot. Apparently that child will never walk again. What will the mother explain to her daughter about her being different from the other children? My heart goes out to all rape victims both men and women it is sad that the people who do this are the ones we know far too well they are the enemies within. 

PEER PRESSURE

Whoever said that peer pressure is just for young teenagers they lied. Peer pressure is definitely everywhere, something that human beings live with daily day in day out. What matters is just how one handles it. Your reaction or action to peer pressure is the ultimate decision that one has to make and later deal with the consequences.

I consider myself old skul (ok am not that old really) I thank God for being born when I was born. I mean peer pressure for us was talking to the hottest guy in your neighboring school (I mean talking REAL talking no hidden meaning), receiving the most mail knowing the latest songs and the latest dance moves, the latest music bands and so many other things that were not dangerous at all. Ok there was a bit of alcohol though not so much and then back then it was so cool to be a virgin. Oh my word, the good old days. I happen to have a sibling who is a teenager, SHE IS A GIRL and that scares me shitless. I think girls now have to face worse issues compared to my days. For us it was just the pimples and the body but there was really nothing you could do about it. Right now there is the internet which is overflowing with information both good and bad. Sites that lie to you about how to get the right body by doing the most bizarre things you can think about. Over the counter pills and all that lie about how much it can do for your skin. Then there is the mobile phone, lawd that gadget is a necessary evil but for teens I kinda find them more of a destruction and distraction worse is that it comes with the internet option. OMG what is that little person doing constantly staring on that screen I mean they could be some raunchy photos of their friend. Sexuality issues are also knocking on the door wanting to find out which way they actually swing.

The media on the other hand is not doing anything to help. Sex has been taken to a whole new level. It has been glorified like nobody's business. Everywhere you turn there are some sexual undertones right from a simple advert of a beverage to clothes to books to gadgets to just everything. Even eating you have to do it in a sexy way eiish too much. And so now it is NOT cool to be a virgin in fact you can become a serious laughing stock. With this era of HIV this kids need to be a bit more careful thing is some of them have the virus (maybe they were born with it and have no clue) then they go ahead engage in unprotected sex and others get infected too. With the whole living life on the fast lane I think the adults have also lost the whole mentoring thing they are simply never there for them. They need guidance and talking to but no one has time. This is so wrong, I do pray that I will have time for my kids when they come.

Leaving that behind you thought you are done with peer pressure am sorry to burst your bubble but there is more coming your way. Campus or college. You want so bad to fit it in plus here there are no rules no regulations it is an ANYTHING GOES SOCIETY. What more could one ask for? I mean after 4 years of being herded together like goats its time to let loose and sure thing they do let loose. Some forget the purpose for going to school. They forget their situation back at home and seek to fit in with the rest some who have it in excesses. If this is not put into check the girls and boys too seek other ways of fending for themselves. It could be drugs, an older man or woman (and I mean WAY OLDER), prostitution and all kinds of vices to make "ends" meet. Well not all choose this path some are actually good. They keep a sane mind despite all the madness of experimenting some make a wrong turn but make a decision to make the right choices.

That said the work place is sure waiting for you and if you thought it was over with peer pressure you are so mistaken. You meet him or her a classmate in primary school but you just started out hell no is that a chevrolet calvita s/he is driving? Invites for lunch at her/his place and it is a mansion and where my dear are you holed up? The urge to fit in hits you hard and if you are not careful you succumb. You want all that so bad you are willing to do anything. You end being what? A drug pusher a mistress perhaps or engage in some night time activities? Nobody will judge you but those are decisions you made and surely they will weigh you down. 

Something that always rings in my mind is a story I once heard on radio. Its a sad one. A 24 year old young lass gets involved with a minister. He gives her heaven on earth. Her own apartment and car later, she is to spend the rest of her life on ARVs and the man is gone he moved on to another conquest. The lass had called in to the show to just give her two cents and said if she knew what she new now she would be different.

I know I digressed abit there but I needed to share my thoughts on that. This is wk 3 day 2 I will be grateful of what I have and strive for more but I will not entertain greed. Great day.

BEING GRATEFUL

My weekend was good and bad let me just sum it up by saying it was eventful. I have learnt to appreciate a lot of things that we take for granted. Friendships that are forged at that point in time when you are at your lowest are the kind of friendships that should be kept. When a child is born everyone is always happy to receive the new born but what we forget to do is to even appreciate that all went well for the baby to be born. This Saturday was friend's baby shower and guess what as we were busy getting ready to surprise her, our Father up there had other plans. He decided to take the little angel before coming to this world. Anyway most of friends available are mothers all I could do was imagine the pain but they related to the whole ordeal. Luckily my girl is a strong girl. We went to see in hospital and she seemed quite ok. Though I know she is hurting I just pray that this difficult period may go away slowly and she may be able to try again for a child. Gal I am praying for you.

A case of mistaken identity can cost you your life. Mr. Derailer happened to be caught up in this whole thing. Apparently someone with his names has been conning a chain of supermarkets in Coast and so when he whipped out his card to pay for some service he was apprehended. It was drama that lasted an hour thank God he came out of it unscathed. Judging from his reactions he was quite relieved that it was over. Like I said we need to appreciate what we have when we have it. Maybe he would be enjoying his freedom right now. 

I think I have lost count of my days I will start referring to the whole regime as of weeks and hopefully move on to months then weeks oohh jolly me. Well am now on to week 3 and I must admit am seeing and feeling different. I feel so so much better health-wise and just in general. What am trying to do is to just alter my workout routine introduce new exercises and all just do it differently to kill boredom. Today was day 1 of week 3 let me see what the week has in store for me. Hmmmpph great week good people.

11.11.11

I don't know people are fussing so much about this day because as far as am concerned it is a day like an any other. Anyway trust human beings to find a reason to scare people of intimidate them or heck just a reason to celebrate and mark you today is a FURAHIDAY.

I don't usually mention my progress here but I am over the moon with the progress am making. Its been 7 days of working out but if you look at it its two weeks that is plus the in between breaks. This morning I almost skipped it. I know I always say this but the odds today were so high and I think if it was not a friday I would just have hit the shower. I said I will do only 100 rope jumps but guess what I did all the 300. Reason being once I start I don't know where this urge comes from but I just want to go on and finish what I started. So kudos again to me :) I finished the regime. I think its time I changed tact so that I can kill boredom so after the break am going back to doing it differently. I am going to research on more workout regimes that are practical.

I like what am starting to see. It is actually paying off. There is this pair of jeans I have not worn in a while so I decided to put them on. The secret is I wasn't just avoiding to wear them, they couldn't fit. So guess my excitement when it fit. I was so elated and to even make things better I put a funky top to go with it. Today, nothing is going to bring me down well unless it is me. HEHEHEHE. All the same am looking forward to the weekend and what it has in store for me. Yipeee!

PREJUDICE

Everyday we meet people and we make an opinion about them. I have played this role far too well. Sometimes I have been right and sometimes I have failed terribly. I have learnt from such experiences not to judge a book by its cover. Sometimes what you see is not always what you get. So with time I have come to learn not to judge people by their first impressions but to try and listen to them without necessarily hearing them talk. Prejudice can cost you a lot because once an opinion is formed this person is treated according to the opinion. All the same one step at a time you can't get rid of something overnight.

Today is day six and getting up in the morning seems to be the hardest thing to do. Even hitting 300 is becoming an uphill task. I feel like I need to change tact but that will be after day seven. I should think of other ways of working out in the morning. One thing is for sure though that I am yet to say this is it. I have goals to achieve you know and now is not the time to start thinking maybe I should opt out. That is just not an option. So I will still cheer myself to the last lap where I can start seeing the results and say yes you know what I can do anything that I set out to do.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Many random things have been going on in my head. From life to friendships, money and career, relationships and the future so on so forth. Sitting in the bus today I looked at my environment especially the faces of the other occupants: from the driver to that little girl going to school. Did I mention that twice now I have managed to catch the first bus-you should see the smile on my face to understand the immense pleasure it gives me. The driver today was rather in a foul mood. He kept on shouting expletives to the conductor and seemed liked he did not want to pick or drop passengers at the designated stops. Ironically the conductor who is usually in a foul mood was in a very good mood. Maybe that was an inside joke-reversed mood. The passengers in the bus basically describe to me the world. It carries all kinds of people. A distraught teenager, struggling single parents, a conman(or woman), a prowler, a student, a mother, a father, a daughter as in all kinds of people with different stories of their lives to tell. If am to write a book one day, I will have to call it the bus there is so much to write about right there.

Sitting in traffic I admire the cars. Although the traffic right now is quite light(trust me I can qualify for a night runner) I notice the guzzlers. Yes I am a big girl forgive me for loving the big cars. I understand that CEOs and CFOs go to work at that time of the morning so I quietly whisper to myself while patting my back girl you will get there one day you sure will get there and I nod my head to affirm it. I stop just in time to notice the fishy look from the person sitting next to me. Who doesn't want to live the good life? I do! But one thing worries me, how do I get there? Will I sleep my way there, cheat, murder, exploit someone, con or plain hard work. I think I will choose the last option its better though tough but God said it when He chased Adam and Eve from the garden, to survive you have to work and hard work it is.

I believe everything we do everyday or set to do and accomplish is by God's grace. I mean how many people plan about the next move and it is no more or worse they are no more? You enter the bank and its robbed while you are inside, you enter a vehicle with both limbs and come out with one or without even your life? Yaani these are the truths you have to live with daily, the eventualities of life. Well the mantra one should live with is live every minute like its your last. Just do what you would have loved to do and do it to your very best.

Something else crossed my mind, when do you draw the line? When do you know this is it. This is the line that shall not be crossed by me or by anyone else for that matter. In life I have learnt to draw the lines sometimes I let people cross them which is unfortunate but I do believe everything starts from somewhere.
Well no more crossing lines or letting people cross them. Speaking of crossing lines, I think a man has crossed the line if he gossips. I usually consider gossiping a woman's gift from God (pun intended). If a man reaches such extents I think its high time brother you put a skirt. Why should it involve you whatever happens in another household that is if its not your NEXT DOOR neighbour or your family friend. Seriously you need to get a life and while at it get some balls too.

This morning was a tough one. I did have a hard time AGAIN getting out of bed. God knows how badly I wanted to just hit the shower and leave for work but something inside of me I don't what to get my lazy self from bed and put on my tracks and get working. I chose to do the latter I went out and did my workout and now (drum rolls) DAY 6. I also cant believe myself but I must say MISS I AM PROUD OF ME. Six days for someone who has been out of the game for one and a half years is no joke. At the back of mind as I was debating of to do or not to do it just hit me you know what, this might just be the beginning of so many tomorrows. I don't want to go back there I made I choice I want to stick with it.

A HARD TIME

To be honest the title might have nothing to do with this post but I did have a hard time getting a title so there it goes. Ok plus I had a hard time getting up in the morning today. Good thing is once I started exercising I felt like I should go on and on and on. So am glad I did not choose to stay in bed longer. I intended to sleep as early as 8:30 p.m but I think I retired at 9:30 p.m that is a whole hour later. Am trying to change my sleeping pattern so that I don't stay up late and end feeling hungry and I start snacking. I am trying to do away with noise just before I sleep. To be honest its a huge task but I have to try I want to get into the habit of reading before bed and do away with a lot of T.V.

I have become a T.V junkie and this is definitely not good for me. If I go back to school it will be an uphill task trying to get in touch with my books so since I intend to do so I better start now and am sure I will ace through schoolwork. I have books that I intend to start reading while some are halfway read so my target is to finish reading them before the end of the year. I do make handmade cards and it has been awhile since I did that. The more I sit on this talent that God gave me the more I feel it will be taken away or I will end up not fitting in with the times. So I am also picking up my hobby where I left. Here is a sneak peak of my previous works. Wish me luck with my new endeavour.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1785110304278.103058.1135120904&type=1


The other thing am having a hard time with is trust. I didn't realize this until recently. It was subconscious but am glad I have come to realize it. Trust like they say is like a mirror, once broken you don't at it the same way you did before. You have to throw that one out and bring in a new one. Start a fresh. I have my fair share of trust issues with men and women alike. I worked on the one with men at least the men in my life are helping me with that as for the women it is work in progress and I do like the steps I have made so far. For the women it felt like every time I try getting a new mirror it keeps getting broken but I am trying to keep buying them. I know it is expensive but no man is an island so I keep giving it a try. What is the worst that can happen anyway if I keep trying to trust? I think the worst thing is not trusting at all that is the biggest headache anyone can suffer.

Am on to day 5 of my exercising regime and let me just say this far I have come I thank God for the zeal he has put in me. He has renewed my commitment to being committed and I am grateful. So yesterday in the evening as I walked to my house I met some ladies exercising and I felt so proud of myself. Previously I would meet them and I would say to myself I wish I had time to do that. The problem was I had the time but I was just not willing to do it. Its good that I came to that realization in good time before its too late. Yesterday maternal instincts came to me so strongly and I thought am I ready? Is there the right time really? When is the right time? One thing is for sure though, I don't think my body is ready. If I am to walk down that road I need to be prepared well at least physically. the rest will fall into place in due time.

THIS AND THAT

This and that basically summarizes what I was up to during the weekend. I have to confess, I indulged over the weekend. Being a sweet tooth and turning your head the other side is no mean feat. I tried so hard but I had a constant derailer by my side. I planned to work out but let me just say it didn't work out that way. I at least got to spend time with loved ones and do what I love most. COOK. Ok not what I love mostest but most.So the weekend flew past without me realizing so. I guess thats what happens when you enjoy yourself so much.

Well another week is here and I thought its going to be hard this morning, doing the exercise and trying to get back on track but hey! Three words PIECE OF CAKE. I did my 300 rope jumps like I have been at it since I was born. Let me see how this week goes by then I will decide if it goes up to 500 in week three. Yipee this is week 2 and am feeling so energetic. I guess this comes with the sense of completion, achieving something. I really wanted to put on my power suit. Yes that one tucked at the furthest end of my clothes rack but it just doesnt fit yet. Who am I kidding anyway like I would all that in a week. Either way I am not giving up not just yet. I want to try finish the 21 day cycle so that this workout and eating healthy regime becomes a part of me. I know I can. If I put my heart to it I sure will.

My challenge will be knowing what to put in my mouth I am done with a lifetime on my hips thing. I am working on a lifetime in my mouth. So week 2 lets see the kind of challenges you have in store for me. So far I admire what I have been able to achieve and am proud. The results might not be instantaneous but this time am willing to give it a try and be patient. When I think about it I just smile to myself wondering....what haven't I done, really, what haven't I done!

ADIOS AMIGOS

JUST HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

This thought crossed my mind during a certain cocktail event as we all queued for the bitings. Different people different portions on their plates. I thought to myself someone somewhere is wondering ohh there is so much on that ones plate, wait is that one dieting, that one definitely has to eat from the Mrs cooking pot. It got me thinking do we come with capacities? Not just in terms of food but in all aspects. Do we know when to say enough I have had enough or this is it. DO men and women have the same capacity emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally?

So just how much is too much? I feel that sometimes we let people walk all over us and say nothing. Do you have a point where you put your foot down and say you know what eff off. Do you know your limit when it comes to even doing simple things like over giving yourself or over involving yourself.  Sometimes we let people walk all over us and make us feel like you are nothing or not worth. I have reached my limit and will hear no more of it. No more allowing people to step on my feet. Bloody I will kick them so hard they will not know what hit them.

Speaking of limits am glad to say that its day 4 and am still on track. The weekend is here but that is no excuse to over do things. I must show responsibility. I know the consequences and am not willing to go down that way. Not just yet.

A fabulous dedicated weekend to you. :)

ALMOST.....................IT DOESN'T COUNT

I like this song by I think its Brandy. The most striking thing about it is the line almost doesn't count.




Well day 3 and YES am still going strong. I actually woke up and did my share of the workout even after just 3 hours of sleep. Maybe it was a coincidence to mark day 3 of the choice I made. Well I know you are probably wondering how the word almost comes into play here. As I went to bed I promised myself that I would wake up and continue with what I started. I was so tempted to deactivate my alarm but my inner voice and that attitude I have picked could not let me do that. I did snooze the alarm for like 2 minutes but it seemed like a nanosecond. I thought to myself, what the heck you know what if I don't do this I will break the cycle the one I have worked so hard to make it revolve.

I jumped out of bed and put on my attire and I put my best foot forward and did it. Half an hour was over before I could make another excuse. So almost comes into play here. Guess what those two minutes that I snoozed my alarm they cost me. I missed the bus. My usual 6 o'clock bus? Yes I did. Because of 2 minutes. See I almost caught the bus but it took a turn and it was gone. The word almost is supposed to make for an excuse but it just goes ahead to prove that its either this or that, no in between. It doesn't count at all when you say you know what I almost did that, I almost went there, I almost threw it, I almost did the work out or I almost got the bus. Fact is you DIDN'T. You did not do it and so it doesn't count. Its a pity the eating healthy bubble burst but I guess it can still be repaired. I lost my battle for eating healthy food. Don't blame me though blame it that temptation had to present itself in the way it did. Unfortunately I did nothing to fight it and thats where the guilt comes in. I had a choice to make and I picked a BAD CHOICE. Well all is not lost though I think I should stop making excuses. I should stand up to the choices I pick and be ready to face the consequences. I guess somehow this bad choice is what made me jump out of bed in the morning. Its what made me stop snoozing the alarm for another hour put on the workout kits and get on with the exercises. I do hope the equation balanced itself out but in future I will strive to make the good choices.

All said and done it is important to appreciate the people we love no matter what especially if they are family. We are always busy seeking approval from other people willing to bend rules and break our backs  for them so that you can get what? A nod? Family will always be there for you no matter what, no matter the season or reason. We need to appreciate them and let them know that you will always be there for them. So on that note make it a point to tell a loved how much you love them, if not everyday, then do it often.

NO PAIN NO GAIN

A new day this is. It wasn't so much of a challenge getting physical. The urge was right there in fact I woke up so early but I had to stay in bed for an extra hour so that I can start the workout. In the past the pains would come in day 3 but mine started on day 1. Gosh my body is screaming am so unhealthy and unfit. I have made excuses, all kinds of excuses, trust me but I remember what my Paps told me and it keeps ringing in my head. He said, "Mama, take care of your health if nothing else." Those right there are powerful words from a man of great wisdom so why should I not heed his wise counsel?

So yesterday I tried my level best and ate healthily watching my portions. One thing I know is an advantage is I don't expect it to just drop off and voila! Wham bang am a size 0(who am I kidding am not aiming at that anyways) but yes I know I have to work for it to sweat it off and that is the only way I shall gain health and lose weight. My mantra now is NO PAIN NO GAIN. I know the worst is yet to come but I will keep at it and keep fighting.

When I say am not going to give up easily and be a push over it reminds me so much of a friend I visited recently. She has just lost her unborn baby and there we were telling her its gonna be alright and she shouldn't give up and try try try to get another baby. My mind wandered off and I thought of people I know some even smoked through their first trimester(ok they didn't even know they were expectant) but they carried their pregnancy to term and have really healthy babies. God is a funny one but sometimes His humor is just something else. This girl took care of her unborn baby right from when she found out she was expecting but He had other plans. There she was eating healthily looking out for any stress and heeding to the doctors advice but no it was taken from her. I won't judge or anything but I will keep praying for her that her faith is fully restored and she will keep trying and not see this as the end of it. 

Just like my friend I need to keep the faith, it will take sometime but one thing is for sure if I keep trying I will drop it off and keep it off too.

The first step

So I have been battling with this thing for ten months now. Playing mind ping pong, playing games and plotting alot of escapism. Trust me making excuses has never been this easy. Well just to say but the least I have reached the end of the road no more excuses just reasons and more reasons.
I happen to have this habit-may be good or bad- of rereading my diary after writing it. Its been 10 months now and looking at my 2011 resolutions this one sticks out like a sore thumb. I have managed to achieve most of my resolutions but this one has definitely proved to be (wait for it) ELUSIVE.
Well I decided to put my foot down and act on it. Well I can say I have tried almost all the tricks in the book but the only thing I remember working for me is exercises and healthy eating. Am still young I have so much going on for me the last thing I want to do is to drop dead due to some medical condition associated with my lifestyle. So its time for that about time I made the u-turn and started walking the talk that I have been the last ten months.
It hit me that maybe the best way to do this is by going public. Am bracing myself for so much both good and bad but I will take it in. Well lets see how today goes am almost halfway done anyway. I understand the first three days are crazy but well lets see how it goes.