IT IS 2-WAY

There are two things that are to way so far -and that is according to me- love and respect. I love the Bible verse that says do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. I mean it is that simple. If you don't want someone to do something to you do not do it to them hence if you want respect you got to give it and if you don't give it then definitely you shall not receive it.

Many a times, especially in the workplace people often tend to confuse fear with respect. Many "bosses" or seniors walk around thinking that they are feared while in the real sense they are not `RESPECTED but are FEARED. Such people if they meet their colleagues outside the workplace it is when they realize what happens at work is a sham. No respect whatsoever is accorded unto them.

You can be the who is who in this country but if you don't respect people and what they are then am sorry you just hold a title and no respect comes with a title it is often given to the holder of the title. It reminded me of a conversation I heard this morning between two children as they went to school. It was a boy and girl sharing the experiences they have had with a certain conductor. Clearly they did not like him especially how he talked to them or asked for the bus fare from the passengers. What was clear is they feared him but did not respect him they even had a nickname for him. That right there is a classic example of respect being two-way. If the conductor treated the passengers well probably the kids would respect him.

The same applies to all situations be it a parent and a child, a student and a teacher or a senior and a junior. Definitely if a boss disrespects me I do not see why I should waste my time respecting you. So moving on swiftly....

A MUST READ FOR MY SISTERS

I found this somewhere and I thought it was worth sharing. Ladies hope you pick something from it and enjoy thats the whole point though. ENJOY “The Side Chick Mentality” Many times as men we see great potential in a woman we date and we decide to make her the 1, or our “Queen”. We overlook her flaws and shortcomings, why? Well, because we see the foundation of something we can build upon and if everything goes according to plan, a great future. Sound like the man of your dreams right ladies? Exactly, but you guys go and set fire to the whole situation with your “Side chick Mentality“. If things are going too well, it’s overwhelming for you. You start snooping for things, you may pull away, run away etc etc. You guys get the idea of where this is headed. Below is shit that set us on fire as men, in regards to women we foresee as our “Queen”. Letting you have your space: Say what b*tch?! We will never actually verbalize the “B” word to you, however that’s what immediately goes through our mind when you say such nonsense. So, let us get this straight; YOU are giving me enough space to find another woman to fill the space you refuse to occupy because of what exactly? I had a woman once tell me “I don’t want to crowd your space.” If I give you the title of my woman, there is no “crowding” of the space unless you having girls night out and I drag my ass there or vice versa. Any other time ladies, check in, on, with your man frequently. It’s not nagging to want to show me love and affection. You all need to realize whats a man and whats a boy. I expect my woman to want to be up under me, whether I’m in the mood or not. If you are not trying to be up under me then either you slow as hell or there is someone else. A woman who wants your man is spending every moment she can trying to get your man, why would you then give her all the time in the world to get acquainted with him? You can’t blame your man for straying at that point, no you can’t, because you abandoned your role & duties. If you don’t live with your dude how do you go all day without communication? No “How was your day today?” The Wife/Queen role don’t JUST happen when you move-in its one you play at all time to show you care about the position you were given. Space is for women who don’t want the position or too stupid to keep it. The Great debaters: Arguing, debating, discussing your man with the next woman unless you are in a full-time threesome for a relationship is pointless. Most of you women have no clue that you are the actual weak link to your own relationships. Why? Because other women see that they can bait you into a situation not favorable for your future. The man has the role of the Head of the household for a reason. It allows the queen to never be put under distress, but YOU “new chicks” who need to be seen and heard put your simple asses in the line of fire by not knowing your place. Let’s take 1 example first. The chick who your man has been conversing with is now upset he wont take it any further than some flirting, venting and just conversation. She feels like she has been there for him when you weren’t and now see’s that he won’t leave you for her. So now she finds a way to get your attention. Lets use twitter, we have all seen it. When the irrelevant chick “@’s” the Queen and start running off at her mouth. Here’s what you don’t do: Argue with her. She has nothing to lose, all she is trying to do is make you get your crown dirty and not as polished or great we make you out to be. Seriously, when I was talking w/ a particular chick quite a few females made the statement of “She aint all that you make her out to be.” Ladies have to understand “Queen” isn’t just some cool name we use. You have to embody that. Bill Clinton had Hilary looking all types of crazy but what did she do? “We as a family will deal with this.” Don’t start with the “but she was a first lady though” shit, It doesn’t stop a woman from leaving, and if we’re going to take it further you’re the first lady of your household. Whenever you step out no matter the circumstances you should show that your kingdom is strong. If your household/relationship isn’t we will find out when we see that you all are no longer together. That “Oh, shit.. I thought they were happy” moment is what I’m referring to. Therefore you never let a woman who has no place, clearly, because if she did she wouldn’t be coming for yours, bait you out of your position. If a chick get out of line, your man will handle that. He’s the protector. You don’t like it? Let him address the chick. WTF are you arguing for? Why show your lack of class? The mans role is the protector, once he addresses the broad its over. If you don’t like that she came at you with some bullshit, you address him. IN PRIVATE. AND PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE cut out the “I don’t see why women should be mad at each other because it’s the mans fault” crap. You don’t know her. What can she tell you about your man that you don’t already know? Your simple ass is opening the door for her to strategically add or subtract whatever. The only thing you should be mad at when you address your man is “Why does this woman feel that she has the authority to address me about you.” If you don’t understand that you are the basic of the most basic women ever. The Games Y’all Play: Insecure women, which is quite a few of you, look for any reason to possibly blow a relationship up. ‘It can’t be this good, he’s gotta be lying or hiding SOMETHING. I’ll find out what it is.’ For what? The only thing that does is create issues. Now you want to question him and interrogate him like you’re investigating a terrorist threat against the country? Why can’t good just be good? Newsflash ladies: Men are lazy storytellers. Go ask your man what he did today. He will leave out all the info he doesn’t deem important. Why? Because it’s not important! We don’t give 2 fly squirrel shits about what your ex did. Stop trying to trap a dude into being a liar. Contrary to fake belief, a real man isn’t in the business of rebuilding women. Don’t intrigue a man into being attached to you if you are not ready. Shit like this will get you demoted to the side chick. You will suddenly be treated as a side chick. You’re not ready for a relationship so why should I allow you to keep a status you cannot maintain? The Revenge game: If you decide to stay with a man or continue dealing with a man, revenge or doing something out of spite should ever be on your mind. It only makes your situation more toxic. Example, a guy do something you don’t like. Lets say he does cheat, ok so you go and cheat to make things “even“, however it’s not even. The perceptions of the world are different for man or woman. I for instance can go cheat and smut a chick out and she not think “oh, I can have him anytime I want”, she thinks “He just wanted to fuck”. You however you go sleep with another guy two things, 1 you either had a guy on deck you been wanting to sleep with, which will lead him to believe you are available for it again and because he has been around he will make many attempts because he is no stranger OR 2. He is a stranger, you may meet at the club and decide to have a 1 night stand, now this is where you’re labeled a hoe because he may see you out with me next week and now “Yo that’s the hoe I met last week AT Club whatever! She has a man? OH SHIT! That bitch foul.” Now, because dudes talk as much as women do it slowly spreads I’m with a hoe. Where as if you flip it, a woman may not say shit. Why? Because she see I’m with you and that I just used her to drain my sack. She may not want her girls to know that embarrassing info. The actions of man or woman are never even. No one says this is fair, but you must realize no reaction to an action make things even. NO TWO THINGS HAVE THE SAME OUTCOME. Which leads back to being a Queen. If your man is flirtatious, you knew this prior I’m sure, If your man was flashy always out looking for attention you knew this too. Why date a guy and try to change him and when you can’t, act out of spite? So you have him looking all crazy out here because you went after someone you knew you cant handle? It’s similar to a woman asking a man for a 6 carat diamond ring, and then when people stare at it all hard you then ask him for a pistol and a bodyguard so you won’t get robbed. Don’t pursue what makes you insecure. Ladies, to wrap this up. You either the Queen or the side chick, you cannot be both. You cannot have the role of a queen and the mentality of a side chick. If a man is looking for a queen and you’re acting like a side chick, you will be demoted or cutoff and replaced. You want a title? Own it. Successful men don’t rebuild women, we build homes, lives and foundations for women who know who they are and their place, to strive in.

BEING BUSY

I sit down and remember something. A good laugh I had, a terrible moment shared, I pick up my phone to call that person who shared it with me but the number is missing. Then I start thinking wait, I have had this phone since forever and I can bet I had that number saved here, it hits me then, I deleted the number. When is the last time I talked to this person? Wow its amazing how we have drifted so far apart, its amazing how busy we have become with our busy lives.

Yes that is a conversation many of us often have either with ourselves or with other people. Often we let our daily routines, our busy hectic lifestyles get in the way of our social lives and we lose friendships and relationships some of the things that make life worthwhile especially when too often you have been receiving lemons from it. Its that occasional "hi, how have you been?" "just checking on you" or " I miss you" that brings back that smile when things are thick. When someone remembers you(preferably in a good way) it means you touched an aspect of their life in a way nobody has. It means you made a beautiful impression. Lets not get too busy to forget how a good laugh sounds like, an honest embrace from a friend, tears of joy or sadness the things that keep you humbled and make you realize what life is all about and the things that really matter in it.

I have been a culprit and a victim too but I understand it starts from me so I will make the bold step and sit by the phone or email waiting for that long lost friend to look for me. I will make the bold step and look for them I will persist and I will keep an open mind. 

Have a thoughtful day!

GETTING ON TOP

I was reading the book OUTLIERS-the story of success by Malcolm Gladwell and it has opened my eyes and made me look at things differently. The book is about a couple of factors that contribute towards success. The author has is facts right and I can confidently say he knows his game. He has statistics to prove or at least back what he is talking about.

So everybody wants to be successful but I beg to ask what is success? When do you decide you are successful or is it the society that decides you are successful? Many things were said in the book some of it mumbo-jumbo that I could not make out but one thing that clearly came out was that in order to get on top or to be on top of what your want to be in charge you have to work for it. You have to be patient and take advantage of the opportunities presented to you.

The likes of Bill Joy, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs( the list is endless but these are the only ones I can relate to-yes guess my age) are the people who were mentioned and a brief summary of how they got on top is given. Their stories are remarkable and sometimes(most of the time) the media falls short of saying how hard they had to work to make it. I envied these people because they have made it and I ask myself where have I been? Then I read their stories and realize hey you know what I still have time to get on top to get up there too. I can be like them if I choose too. If I take advantage of what I have, if I don't squander my autonomy if I do my 10 000 hours all these if followed can be a pathway to success alongside other prescriptions.

I am able to do what it takes because I have what it takes to get on top. On top of my game on top of my league on top of the world.

CHANGE

Am currently looking forward to moving houses. I am so excited about it am sleeping, drinking, eating, just everything is how am visualizing how my future resting sanctuary will be. Strange enough this is one change I am absolutely looking forward to.

This thoughts brought to me lots of questions. We are always told that a change is as good as a rest but I often think that change is the most feared thing in the human race. Be it death be it the unknown this is change and they are also feared to the core.

Change is not necessarily a bad thing it all depends on how you take it. It helps to be open minded that way you do not have any expectations and thus free your mind and be ready for anything. I like the phrase a change is as good as a rest. This is because you take a break from the norm the usual things. It is good to look forward to the surprises that the world hurls at you it is not always about endless planning sometimes just letting go and let it be is the way to go.

So today put your best forward and anticipate change and embrace it totally.

ASK HIM

I am not the type to shout at the top of my voice about my faith and all but one thing I believe is that there is a superior being that made up His mind to have me on this earth for a purpose and He promises to answer when I ask. Yes I do believe in God and the amazing things he has done on earth and in my life.

The amazing thing is He said if we ask it shall be given(I have to admit I do not know the scriptures so well but there is something like that in there.) so I have made my sole purpose every so often to ask Him for my needs that I feel are beyond me and to be honest He sure has not failed me.

Yes, I do make resolutions and set goals(contrary to what many think) and at the end of the period set usually 12 months I go back and check on them. The most amazing thing is the things I have resolved to do as long as I involve Him they work out and perfectly so I must say. The ones that I decided so stubbornly to do flop right before my eyes  and big time too.

So I have come to admit that if I trust Him and involve Him in what I plan I am sure to succeed as long as I am not going to interfere with anyone as I do it. As we are busy asking and asking it is also important to remember to also say thank you. Remember just being on the receiving end can definitely make you a very very spoilt person. Even if not directly to Him say thank or show a kind gesture to person right next to you.

It is a privilege that you are alive and a bigger privilege that you are healthy and much much bigger that you have people around you who love you and care for you unconditionally.  

SOMETHING BORROWED

Recently on a weekend armed with a one thousand shilling note I went hunting for airtime. hat all the money I had and no I was not out to harass anybody just to get change. What happened thereafter is something I thing everyone should borrow. There were two shops selling airtime. I not being out inconvenience anyone I enquired first if they would get change for my money. In the first shop the lady quickly dismissed me without batting an eyelid. Judging from her reaction she had the change but she figured it being in the morning and I the first client I might make hr day terrible if she gave me the loose change she had. I moved swiftly to the next shop and what happened really impressed me. I asked the lady if she could get change for me and I was impressed by her reply. She was very elated she sold me airtime and gave me change remarking "you know even if I give it to you it will still come back".

In that instant I loved this lady's attitude. There she was without giving it much thought she new the money would come back to her. She did not think of it as an inconvenience. There is something she did for me, she managed to bag a loyal client and she made me look at things differently. I was amazed by her attitude and I silently wished that apart from airtime or any other service she gives other people may just pick a teeny tiny bit of attitude from her. Of course the positive attitude.

I often wonder if people realize how much they affect each other especially through attitude. It is your attitude that makes you gain something or lose it. It is your attitude that will take you a step forward or backwards. It is that attitude that may help you out of a certain 'situation'. Your attitude gives out some vibes about you and trust me your vibes can draw someone away or close to you. It is the very vibes that people will judge you with without necessarily knowing you. Human beings are strange and yes they will judge you without knowing you they will judge by looking at you and the vibes you send out.

In your own very little way try and adapt a little positive attitude. It does not change over night but haba na haba hujaza kibaba. Just start a pandemic and watch the ripple effect take place. Make it your duty to be positive and emit them positive emissions.

A MADE UP MIND

So yesterday I found out that sometimes keeping a made up mind is a bit hard. I had just made up my mind that over the weekend no more junk food just healthy eating then yesterday BAM a friend decides to drag me along and we did quite some damage to the bhajia in that restaurant. One minute out of the door is when it hit me oh my what did I do? Did I just not make up my mind?

That was a lesson right there. Every so often we make up our minds not to do something and then we back track? I always wonder if its the will power that one lacks or its just easy to decide to go against what you have made up your mind for. There is a saying that a wise man always changes his mind. I totally agree with this to some extent but if it is some bad habits it is definitely wrong.

We should not change our minds especially if it is a bad habit that we want to stop or that bad relationship you left  or that bad friendship or just something that has been holding you back. It is wise to make up your mind especially if it is something that will propel you to good better things and a better person.

Leave the bad things that make your made up mind stray. Steer clear of them and choose another path to focus upon and you will see the great things that will follow you thereafter.

Have a great day as you make up your mind and strive to keep it made up.

2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR GOOD PEOPLE.

It has been a while and I must confuse it took sometime for the bug to bite. I do owe you one and what other way than to start by giving you something that will propel you to better heights this year.

Year in year out we all resolve to do so much and achieve so much. I have goals for this year too but this year I choose to focus on other things key thing being me. I choose to focus on ME, MYSELF and I. I need to learn a few things here and there things that I have held very close to my heart but now I have to let go. I have realized that holding on to some things will actually do you more harm than good.

This year I choose to be happy. I choose to find happiness in every situation that arises. I choose to see the silver lining in every dark cloud. I choose to wage the battle of happiness regardless of the circumstance or situation before me. I choose to spread happiness to the people I get in touch with or come in contact with. I will not be a reason for their tears but a source of their joy. Like this I will less wrinkles and I will age gracefully.

This year I choose patience. I will be patient and experience things the way they are. I will not be in a hurry to get somewhere or choose any hook or cranny to get there. I will go with how things are going not that I like the status quo but patience does pay and in waiting one can learn a lot too.

This year I choose to enjoy. I choose to find enjoyment in all that I do. No matter what it is I will try really hard to find a source of enjoyment especially if it something that is beyond me. The gift of life in it self is worth enjoy so why not make the most of it. We take so many things for granted not knowing that you are lucky. So I choose to enjoy and while at it if I can get someone else to enjoy too I will be elated.

This year I choose to have a positive attitude. I have realized one thing that sets the extraordinary from the ordinary is the attitude and a POSITIVE one too. I will develop a positive attitude towards everything and everyone. No matter how bad the situation is I will try equally as hard to be positive and keep things that way too. I will also try rub my positive attitude on someone else.

This year I choose to achieve. I choose to achieve what I have set out to do. I choose to attain the goals I have set for myself.

This year I choose not to make excuses and not to blame anyone for anything. I choose to guard my words jealously and let go of anything I hold in my heart anything that holds me back I choose to let it ALLL GO. To be better I have to strive to be better, to have better things I have to go for better things.

This year I choose to love. I choose to love so selflessly and without any regrets. I will love to my last bone and without stopping to think what if.

And in the end I will look and be proud of what I have achieved. SO HELP ME GOD.